Count On Me
by rawriloveyou
Summary: Face has become quiet and withdrawn, and Hannibal and BA have no idea why. When Murdock confesses to them, they encourage him to talk to the Lieutenant, and Murdock discovers a horrible truth. Post Family Reunion. Warnings: Mentions of self harm
1. Chapter 1

Count On Me.

**Disclaimer: I do not own the A-Team or anything you recognise.**

**A/N: Sorry for the sad ending, I didn't expect it, it crept up on me when I was writing.**

**Warnings: Mentions of self harm.**

'_If you toss and you turn and you just can't fall asleep, I'll sing a song beside you. And if you ever forget how much you really mean to me; Everyday I will remind you.' – Count On Me, Bruno Mars._

Face has changed, I can see it, Hannibal and BA can both see it, although I'm sure they don't know why. It's not obvious that I'm the cause, a few blank glances when I speak, ignoring me when he can get away with pretending he hasn't heard me. But I'm sure Hannibal at least has an idea by now, it's been three weeks. He probably thinks it's something to do with Ellen, I wish it was, an argument over a girl would be so much simpler to solve.

We've stopped in a small, discreet bed and breakfast in the middle of nowhere, staying under fake names for one night before we move on once more. Hannibal has some crazy plan to set a fake trail, it's unorthodox, as usual, but that seems to work for him. He's worried about Face, you can see it in his eyes when the Lieutenant starts to speak; monotone with no feeling. He thinks that a few days without the MPs on our tail will do us all good; of course I know that it will do nothing for Face.

It was BA's idea to book each of us separate rooms, saying simply, '_We all need a bit of space'_.

I hear a knock at the door and I'm suspicious for a moment before the little logic I posses tells me that the MPs probably wouldn't knock. Nevertheless I check the spy hole, and I see Hannibal, his head enlarged by the lens, with BA standing beside him.

I open the door with a fake smile, "Heya Colonel, BA," I step back to let them in and close the door behind them, "I was just feeding Billy." It's an effort to appear normal; in all honesty I haven't seen Billy in weeks. I was too distracted by the whole 'Face' situation. I think he might have run away, fed up of being ignored. It makes me sad to think I may have lost two friends at once because of my actions.

"There's no dog fool," BA replied, but his heart wasn't in it.

"Aw BA, you'll hurt his feelings," It's the customary exchange. I'm keeping one eye on Hannibal; waiting for the conversation I knew was coming.

"Murdock we need to talk," Hannibal tells me seriously.

"About what Colonel?" I ask, already knowing the answer.

"It's Face," Hannibal states, "We all know he's acting out of character," He looked up, staring me straight in the eye, "Especially with you."

"Not sure I know what you're talking about Hannibal," I lie pointlessly.

"Captain."

It's stern, a reminder that he is still the leader of our unit, even if we aren't technically part of the army anymore.

"I thought we'd solved it Colonel, we talked about it...obviously I knew he'd be angry, he deserved to be really. But I didn't know what to do...I mean what would he have done? What could I do? What did he expect me to do? It was more than a flippant decision, I agonised over it...and..."

"Murdock," BA snapped, cutting off my babbling, "Stop it. Just tell us what's goin' on."

"Bancroft," I stated, taking a deep breath before opening my mouth to continue.

Hannibal got there first, "Please tell me this isn't about Ellen." Just as I thought.

I shook my head, "Well a bit, but she's not the main part of it all. AJ Bancroft, he, he was," Another deep breath, "He was Face's father."

BAs jaw dropped, even Hannibal hadn't seen that one coming.

"It's a long story," I continued hastily, "I saw that Bancroft had a picture of Face, and he confessed that he was his father. I wanted to tell Face, really I did, but Bancroft said he wanted to tell him; a dying mans wish."

"And Face's angry because you didn't tell him," Hannibal stated, still looking shocked.

I nod, hanging my head.

"It's not your fault Murdock," BA told him, and I look up in surprise.

Hannibal nodded in agreement, "You should talk to him Murdock."

I shake my head, "He doesn't want to talk to me."

"I don't care. For this unit to operate properly we all need to trust each other completely. This rift between the two of you puts us all at risk."

"But Colonel..."

"Murdock," BA interrupts, "Do what he says, he's right."

There's a pause.

"Now?" I ask.

"Now." Hannibal repeats.

I grudgingly nod in agreement, we all head to the door, leaving the room and I lock it behind us. BA and Hannibal give me sympathetic smiles and then we head in different directions, they go back to their own rooms, and I head to Face's.

I knock lightly, casually, if a knock can be casual.

"Who is it?" Face's weary voice calls, obviously I think, Face has got the idea that MPs wouldn't knock, down.

"It's me," I reply hoarsely, not feeling the need to say my name, I'm sure he can recognise my voice.

There's hesitation, I can feel it, and then slow footsteps muffled by carpet. They stop for a moment as he reaches the door, and I hear him unlocking the bolt, and then he slowly pulls back the door.

His face is weary, bags building under his eyes. His hair is unkempt, a rarity for Face, and lines on his face suddenly seem more pronounced.

I don't say anything, opening and closing my mouth trying to get sound out; I'm sure I look like a goldfish.

"What is it Murdock?" Face sighs, not meeting my eyes.

I clear my throat, "We, um, we need to talk." I tell him boldly, attempting to get into the room.

Face frowns, blocking my entry, "I don't think we do."

"Come on Face, we can't carry on like this. Hannibal, Hannibal told me we need to sort it out."

"Hannibal?" Face's eyes widened, and he walked quickly back into the room, running his hands through his hair. I took the opportunity to slip into the room and quietly shut the door. He turns sharply, back round to look at me, "What does Hannibal know about this?" His eyes are wild, he looks out of control. I have to admit; I'm slightly scared. "You told him? You told him too; just like you told Stockwell. Didn't you even think to let me tell him in own time. BA knows too I suppose."

"Look Face, it was just now. He's worried about yo..."

"Worried about me, how sweet. Well there's nothing to worry about, I'm fine, I wish you'd all just leave me alone."

"Face it's been three weeks."

"Oh yeah, three weeks. That's enough time to get over the fact that the one chance I might have had to get to know my father is gone forever. Got the whereabouts of my mother hidden up your sleeve too?" His voice was rising, every word he took a step forward until he was right in my face, our eyes now inches apart.

"Face you know I would've told you. I thought we'd been through this, I thought we were ok."

Face stepped back slightly, "Apparently not."

Face glares, eyes piercing mine, and I take an unconscious step backwards.

"Please Face, what can I do to make it up to you?"

"I just," Face walked backwards and slumped down onto the bed, "I just want to be able to trust you again." He stares at me, straight in the eye, and I can see regret and sincerity there.

I sit down beside him, leaving a small gap between us, "You can always trust me Face, I was stuck, I thought we'd have more time. I know it's hard; you never got to know your father. Just, now please don't yell again, just try to look of the bright side."

Face looks up at me with disbelief.

"At least you met him," I explain, "At least you met Ellen."

"I'm sure she'd be delighted to know that her half-brother was the one flirting with her."

I shook my head, half smiling at him and waiting for him to continue.

"I have," He swallows and his Adams Apple bobs quickly up and down, "May be I have been a little harsh on you Murdock."

"It's not your fault; I think you're reacting well, considering the circumstances."

Face stares at the floor and I decide my next course of action is the only option. I shuffle across the bed and wrap my arms around Face in a tight hug. He stiffens for a moment, but soon relaxes into it and puts his arms around me. Minutes pass with no movement from Face, he's just clinging to me tightly like he's drowning and I'm a life ring. Suddenly I feel something wet on my shoulder, and glance up at the ceiling. There's no crack, no where a leak could come through, and then I realise it's Face, he's crying.

His entire body shakes with sobs that shudder through, I feel guilt wash over my in huge tidal waves and continue to squeeze him tighter. I don't speak, I know that would only embarrass him further.

Eventually he lets go, and moves away slightly. His eyes are red and bloodshot and he hastily wipes away the remaining tears, "Thanks Murdock," He mutters.

"I'm sorry Face," I smile sadly at my best friend.

"It's ok, I think...I think it's time to move on," He smiles back.

But as he stands he catches the sleeve closest to me and it pulls up slightly. Face doesn't notice, it's only for a second. But I see scars, a lattice of red lines at different points of healing, I inhale sharply, and I have to take a slow deep breath and close my eyes to try and prevent a panic attack.

Not Face, he wouldn't do that. I'd seen people do that in the VA, it was some sort of strange coping mechanism, I didn't know it was this bad. I take another deep breath, panic still rising inside me.

Face turns round, "Thanks," He tells me sincerely. "I think I'm gonna try and get some sleep, I haven't...haven't been sleeping well lately."

I nod, a huge pressure still building in my chest, ready to make me scream out. I follow him as he goes to the door, and opens it to let me out. We exchange small goodbyes, and then he shuts the door on me. I let out a breath that I didn't realise I was holding, I haven't said anything, I need to say something, I can't leave him doing this. I know how consuming it can be, unfortunately; I've been there.

But instead I hurry back to my room, collapse onto my bed and sob, the little voice in the back of my head repeatedly telling me, '_This is all your fault._'


	2. Chapter 2

Count On Me.

**A/N: I don't exactly know what happened to Murdock before he was admitted to the VA because I haven't had a chance to watch every episode yet, although I'm working on that, so this is only based on the general idea and some elements may be created by me. Also, I've made this a two-shot on request, and I'm really glad I did, I enjoyed writing this even if the subject is the opposite of cheery. Please review, I'd like to know what you think.**

**Warning: Talk about self harm.**

I pace my room for what seems like hours, mulling over the best course of action in my mind. I have to do something, it's not like I can just leave this. I know all too well what it's like.

I could speak to Hannibal, but this is very personal, I have a feeling Face would rather I didn't. I feel awkward going back there, but I know I have to now, confront this head on.

I leave my room for the second time tonight, it's late, he might be asleep, but this is one of the only times I'll be able to talk to him alone.

I knock, then again; louder. I hear a sleepy groan.

"I'm asleep."

"It's important Face."

A few moments later the door swings open, Face is in his dressing gown and pyjamas, he looks irritated. But it's not like before, it's almost affectionate, "I'm assuming it's not that urgent as I don't hear sirens or gunshots?"

"It's a different kind of urgent," I say, pushing past him into the room, he closes the door with a slightly curious look.

I begin to pace, unsure of what to say, Face watches me with something that looks like amusement, eyelids drooping, "Can I get back into bed while you think? Or..?"

"No," I snap, taking him by surprise, "You need to listen to this, like I said it's important."

He nods, "Ok, go ahead then."

I decide to go for the ambiguous approach, and hope he confesses, "I know."

He frowns, a smile tugging at his lips, "You know what?" He's mocking me. Well, I didn't expect this to be easy, he is a conman.

"I know what you've been doing." I expand.

"That sounds kind of creepy Murdock," He chuckles.

I'm getting a little irritated now, I'm sure deep down he's panicking, but he's too good at what he does to show it. I'm just going to have to keep pushing.

"I know what you've been doing to your arms."

Suddenly the blood rushes from his face and he pales dramatically, but he regains his composure quickly, even if he isn't quite as confident as he seemed before, "Murdock," He's almost whispering now, voice hoarse, "I don't know what you're talking about."

I slowly open and close my eyes, wishing this wasn't happening. I step forward, reaching for Face's sleeve, he jumps back, "What're you doing?"

"You know what I'm doing," I say, my voice calm despite my fear and anger.

"No I don't," He's shaking now, backing away from me, against the wall.

I step towards him, trying not to appear threatening, despite the fact that I'm closing in on him.

"Come on Face, just lift up your sleeve, show me that I didn't see what I thought I did."

He shakes his head, letting out a slow moan, and I'm horribly reminded of people at the VA. People I saw stumble and fall down the same slippery slope.

"Facey?"

He sighs, and I think I've got him, I think he's going to confess. Instead, after tricking me into putting my guard down he darts round me, diving into the bathroom and locking the door.

"Well that definitely proves that you don't know what I'm talking about," I call into him sarcastically, sliding down the wall so I'm sitting next to the wooden door.

He doesn't reply, he knows I'm right.

"Face, talk to me."

Again no reply.

So I say something I have no intention of doing, it's mean, but I know it'll get a response out of him, "I'm going to talk to Hannibal."

"No you won't," He replies too quickly, but his voice seems uncertain.

I don't speak again, waiting for him to initiate the next move.

"I didn't really mean too, it just happened. I was feeling terrible about everything that happened, with Bancroft, you..." I sense it's a lot easier for him to talk like this, through a door.

"I understand Face."

"Well you shouldn't, it's stupid, and it's pointless," He snaps back, "If I'm going to do this I might as well have just killed myself; this is much more cowardly."

I jump at his words, they send a shock through me that makes me shout back, "Don't you dare say that!" My voice drops, "Don't...don't ever...ever do that."

He doesn't reply, tears start to roll relentlessly down my cheeks, what he's said it unthinkable; how come I didn't notice? I feel like a terrible friend, unfortunately this feeling isn't so unfamiliar as of late.

"Face?"

"I'm so stupid. I was going to stop, after tonight, after we talked. I promise you I was."

I shake my head, despite the fact he can't see me, "It's not that easy."

"How would you know?" He snarled back at me, "Just because you spent years stuck in that VA, doesn't mean you know anything about this."

I smile sadly, the team knows so little about my medical history, about how much better I am when I'm with them, focussed on a job. Of course it's been many years since I've done anything close to this.

When I don't reply Face obviously puts two and two together, "You...you didn't?" He sounds disbelieving.

"Yeah," I hate having to reply out loud, but he can't see me.

Suddenly the bolt is pulled back, and Face appears, eyes red. He looks down at me and quickly sits by my side.

He stares at me for a moment, I look forward, refusing to look back at him, "Why'd you do it?" He asks in a whisper.

"After my crash," I didn't have to elaborate, Face knew I was talking about the crash that had me admitted to the VA, "I was depressed. It seemed like a good idea at the time..." I decide not to mention other, single times over the years. My mental instability is a given, Face is supposed to by the sensible one. "When did you do it last?"

My question was so casual I could've been asking about his day, or the weather, but as I look over to him I see seriousness etched deep into his face.

He doesn't make eye contact with me, "This evening."

The frankness sends another jolt through me, "Before or after we spoke?" I hold my breath waiting for the answer.

"Before."

I let out the air suddenly, relieved that he hadn't felt the need to still do it after we spoke.

There's another awkward silence, and I can't keep from asking, "Can I...I mean can I see?"

He looks alarmed, but nods slowly, so trusting of me he stretches both arms out.

I pull back the sleeve closest to me to reveal a spider web of red lines, some have almost healed, some still leave small dents in the skin, the most recent have become scabs. I reach for the other sleeve and move it to reveal the same picture.

"You cleaned them?" I ask, voice calm when inside my head voices are shouting at me to panic.

He nods, pushing the sleeves back down and hugging his arms around his chest.

Then he asks me a question that reminds me of the old Face, my best friend from three weeks before, before he got lost because of this idiotic mess. "Do you think there will be lasting scars? Because I was thinking, after you left earlier, when I _really_ realised what I'd been doing, that scars like this aren't exactly attractive. In fact I think they'd scare a woman away."

I almost laugh with relief, he's still in there, "No I don't think they will," I tell him truthfully, "As long as you don't do it anymore."

"No chance of that," Face says, his voice almost warm.

But I can't take the risk, he's a conman, and I find it difficult to distinguish the truth from the lies, "Ok Face, don't take this the wrong way, I believe you; but..."

"There's a but?" He looks confused.

"Yes," I reply firmly, "But I'll need to check your arms every day," I ponder for a moment, "And the rest of you actually."

His eyes widen, "You're not serious?"

"I am Facey, I've seen many people with this problem in the VA, it's difficult to kick the habit. Trust me."

At my last words he gives me a strange look, but doesn't comment, "So you're going to look me over every day to check up on me."

"Yes."

"Come on Murdock!"

"Face," I run a hand through my hair, sighing wearily, "I have to; I have to make sure you're ok."

"But I'm fine!" He insists.

"Face you're a conman, saying that means nothing."

"You don't trust me?"

"Of course I do," I'm getting slightly frustrated now, "I just don't trust this, it's a difficult rut to get out of."

"I can do it."

"But you don't have to do it alone."

Finally he grumbles, and I smile, "Fine, but I'm not happy about it."

"Well just remember if you try to argue again I can always go to Hannibal," I tell him happily.

He shakes his head in disbelief, "You wouldn't."

"Ah, but can you be sure?" I grin, and grudgingly he grins back, throwing an arm round my shoulder.

"What would I do without you Murdock," He says quietly, surprising me with rare sentimentality.

"Oh, most probably lead a very boring life with a picket fence and 2.5 kids."

He chuckles softly.

We stay like that, sitting against the wall in silence, for a long time. Eventually Face's head droops down onto my shoulder and I hear his breathing deepen. Soon I do the same, falling into the most peaceful sleep I've had in weeks.


End file.
